Noah and his Ark...a Malaysian story !

In the year 2009, the Lord came unto Noah, who was now living in Malaysia, and said, "Once again, the earth has become wicked and over-populated, and I see the end of all flash before me. Build another Ark and save 2 of every living thing along with a few good humans".

He gave Noah the blueprints, saying: "You have 6 months to build the Ark before I will start the unending rain for 40 days and 40 nights".

Six months later, the Lord looked down and saw Noah weeping in his yard but no Ark. "Noah!" he roared, "I'm about to start the rain! Where is the Ark ?"

"Forgive me, Lord", begged Noah, "but things have changed. First I need to have a BUMIPUTRA PARTNER who is linked to UMNO then I needed a building permit from DBKL and also have to pay under-counter money to get the permit . Then I've been arguing with the BOMBA inspector about the need for a sprinkler system. My neighbors complained to newspapers of the height of the ark I was going to build and the next day it was in the headlines claiming that I've violated the neighborhood building by-laws that my Ark is exceeding the height limitations. I appealed to the magistrate and it was approved. The Opposition took advantage of the situation and said I was a government crony and did nasty things with my face on the Internet I don’t know how they superimposed my face on a naked body with a naked MP and posted it on the U-Tube. Oh Lord you are the "all knowing" and YOU know I did not take the photos of the MP".

"Then there was a another stop work order even before I could start work. The MACC or Badan Cegah Rasuah arrested me for pornography. I talked to a lawyer who looks like Ambitah Bachan, talks like him, acts like him but is not him ...said he knows the Chief Justice and the Prime Minister the Apa ..nama ... and can clear my name but I have to buy them tickets to Australia."

"After clearing my name ...I had to again go to the DBKL Appeals Board for a decision to allow me to build the Ark. Then government after approving the plans said I must use only SIRIM approved goods and must buy from their list of CLASS F contractors which are 15 times more expensive than the local chinaman hardware shop."

"Then the TNB and JPJ demanded a bond be posted for the future costs of moving power lines and other overhead obstructions, to clear the passage for the Ark 's move to the sea. I told them that the sea would be coming to us but they would hear nothing of it. Getting the wood was another problem. SUKHAM and the JABATAN HUTAN NEGARA said there's a ban on cutting local trees in order to save the orang utan. I tried to convince SUKHAM and JABATAN HUTAN NEGARA that I needed the wood to save the orang hutan – but they said no go. When I started gathering the animals, JAKIM and an Animal Rights group sued me. JAKIM said I cannot put the chickens and the pigs next to each other as it WILL NOT BE CONSIDERED HALAL and The Animal Rights group insisted that I was confining wild animals against their will. They argued the accommodations were too restrictive, and it was cruel and inhumane to put so many animals in a confined space."

"Then JABATAN KERJA RAYA and JABATAN KAJIAN dan GALIAN ruled that I couldn't build the Ark until they had conducted An Environmental Impact study on your proposed flood. I'm still trying to resolve a complaint with the Human Rights Commission on how many bumiputra contractors I'm supposed to hire for my building crew. JABATAN IMMIGRASI and RELA are checking the status of most of the people who want to work. The trade unions say I can't use my sons- that's child labor ! They insist I have to hire only union workers with Ark-building experience."

"As I started to CLEAR THE AREA TO BUILD THE ARK, 6 gangsters came and demanded for protection money. And said they will control the area for selling of drugs and prostitution to my workers. When I complained to the POLIS.... the next day the IGP of POLIS sent an ASP who came in full uniform, unfortunately he also happens to be one from the six gangsters who were demanding protection money and doubled my protection fee. Then there was a by-election and I was forced to be an UMNO member to get my permits approved and made to pay a donation to the Barisan candidate in the so called spirit of MUHIBBAH. Other wise he will make my life difficult if I did not and insisted I was already a member."

"Every department I turn to is asking what they call “kopi duit". I calculated that if I had to pay all the so called “kopi duit” and give the donation the cost to build the ARK will be 20 times higher…so I refused to give them the kopi duit" as I am faithful to you Oh Lord ! Then some top level politicians were very disappointed with me for not giving donations and called me a "murtad" but I told them my name was Noah and not "murtad" but they got very angry and said they have connections."

"Suddenly I am a suspect behind the murder of the Mongolian lady because the place where she was murdered happened to be on the land where I am going to make the Ark and was arrested. To make matters worse, the Jabatan HASIL seized all my assets, claiming I'm trying to leave the country illegally with endangered species. I have just been released from ISA. So, forgive me, Lord, but it would take at least 10 years for me to finish this Ark."

Suddenly the skies above cleared, and the sun began to shine, and a rainbow stretched across the sky.

Noah looked up in wonder and asked, "You mean you're not going to destroy the world my Lord ?"

"'No," said the Lord......."It is already done "..... "The Malaysian Government beat me to it !"

* a note of thanks to JohnW. for this post ! Cheers John !